7.

I haven't posted a "just because" entry in a while. A lot has been going on. To start, my depression has hit an all time high... well low you could say also. I have spent the last week crying. It's been a constant thing. No matter how badly I try, I can never stop. It's been horrible. I thought it was nicotine withdrawals, so I bought a pack of cigarettes to see if smoking 1 would help... nope. Then, on Wednesday I break down into this illness, & spend the whole day with a high fever of 103.5 f. Needless to say, between being sick, depressed & starting school back up, I've been pretty busy & miserable. If that stuff isn't bad enough, there is some huge family drama stirring up. As if my family wasn't broken enough already. *SIGH* At least I am not involved this time. Usually, no not usually, EVERYTIME something happens in my family someone finds a way to bring it back on me & make me feel like crud. Oh well, whatever.

On a brighter note, 1 year ago today I found out Carter was, well, Carter! I'll never forget it. I had all my cupcake stuff ready to go. David picked me up, & off to my appointment we went. We got right in to the ultra sound room. She was doing all her measurements & accidentally scrolled over his goodies, so I knew he was a boy before she even told us. At the end of the measurements, she said "You want to know what you're having right?" I said yeah... & she scrolled back over the goodies & said "It's a boy!" Then the "It's a boy!" text popped up over the picture. All was said was "I knew it" by moi. I was so disappointed. Nobody knew how badly I wanted a girl. I was also convinced I was having a girl. It would have meant so much to me to have a daughter, so I could name her after my cousin Michelle. Not to mention the fact I was still so angry with God for putting this speed bump in my life. I figured the least he could do for me was give me a girl if he was going to have me pregnant at 19. Anyways, here I am, 1 year later... & I could never, ever, in my wildest dreams, imagine being happier than I am right now. Carter is my whole wide world. No wonder God gave me a little boy, he is perfect!