MIA?

I have certainly been missing in action. I don't even know why. I have so much to type, but no energy to even begin.

My Dear 9 month old... (for his baby book)

Dear Carter,

You are Mommy's WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. I love you so much, it hurts. I don't think I will ever truly be able to put into words how much I love you. Every time you smile, or laugh, or hug me my heart melts. You are the one thing my life was missing. You are my eternal happiness. I love you more with every day, ever hour, every minute, every second that passes us by. I have enjoyed every minute of the past 9 months I've spent with you outside of my belly. You impress me with every little thing you learn. Watching you grow & explore the world is fascinating. When you hurt, I hurt. I wish I could take away your pain, but the best thing I can do is hug you & kiss you & hold you close to me. I wish I could make it so that you will never feel pain, but I don't have that kind of power. Instead, I promise you that whenever you are hurting, I will be there to hug you & kiss you & hold you close. When you cry, I will be there to wipe your tears away. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for what you have given me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you, forever & for always.

Love, Mommy

February 13th 2011

Today (well yesterday now) is the day I officially got ENGAGED! (:

So, after some hardcore snooping & bugging... I knew it was "coming". I didn't know when or how.

I knew he had been shopping for it within the past few days thanks to Alicia (LOL) but I didn't know what store he got it at or anything.

This morning (2/13/11) when I was getting in the shower myself, Brandon & David were talking about it. David told me he didn't even buy a ring yet... I was bummed but didn't make a big thing out of it because I figured he would soon enough. He asked me what kind of proposal I wanted & I said he had to get my Dads permission first & he had to get down on 1 knee. Blahblahblah, you get it.

Anyways, tonight I was trying to go to bed. David wanted me to go with him in the bathroom to smoke. I told him I was too tired. He said he'd give me my present if I went. I told him he had to carry me, but he wouldn't. I ended up getting up to go while he went downstairs to get my pop. When he came back up I was out of bed & he asked how he was supposed to do this if I wasn't in my bed, so I layed back down. Then he asked how I wanted him to do it. I told him he had to give a speech & get down on 1 knee.

So he started his speech...

I don't remember word for word but it went something like....

"You know I love you, we have a baby together, you already know I want to marry you... this is your last chance to back out... do you want to marry me?"

I said "Yeah" (:

Then he handed me the box to look at the ring & turned the light on. (It was dark since Carter was sleeping.)

After I stood up & looked at it I said "you're supposed to kiss me." He said "Oh yeah, I forgot."

& That is that!

Challenge. (x23)

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

T. Swift & B. Spears

 

Reasons...

Here is a list of reasons why David & I should get engaged.

1. We've been together for 19+ months.

2. We don't always get along, but at the end of the night everything is okay.

3. We make cute babies together.

4. We have a baby together.

5. He's apart of my family.

6. He put a promise ring on my finger after 1.5 months of being together.

7. He got me pregnant after 3 months of being together.

8. He's able of putting up with me during the worst of situations.

9. He is willing to change to make things work with me, when most people wouldn't ever do that. He realizes what his flaws are.

10. We love each other.

Challenge. (x22)

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

  School. I've NEVER gotten above a 3.4 GPA no matter how hard I've tried. It just doesn't come easy to me.

Challenge. (x21)

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

 Seeing that ugly girl. *Shutters* She needs serious help with her books man. (Sorry, bitch move, but I couldn't think of anything better.)

Waiiiit, I thought of something, but there is no picture for it. I wish I could forget all the hurtful things my Dad said to me when he found out I was pregnant. Those have scarred me severely. 

Challenge. (x20)

Day 20 - A picture of your night.

 I'm in the middle of SNOWPOCALOPSE 2011!

8 months old, already?

It seems like just yesterday I started my contractions, but infact, it was over 8 months ago. I cannot believe my little 6lb baby boy is now over 20lbs when fully clothed with a wet diaper, saying dada, baba, mama, crawling, creeping along furniture, eating big boy food, getting into everything. I just can't. I love my little boy, more & more every single day. Sometimes I just look at him & watch him do whatever it is he is doing, & I get teary eyed because of the love I have for him. I cannot even put it into words. If I love him this much today, tomorrow will be even more, & I can't imagine loving him more than I already do. 

 Right now, Carter is crawling around the family room floor. He just pulled himself up on the couch, he is babbling "dadadadada" & he is pulling Haylee's fur around her paws while she sleeps. Obviously she doesn't mind. When those 2 play it is so cute. Now Carter is laughing at Haylee, while going for her face. Haylee's giving him kisses. Oh, those 2 & how they melt my heart. I'm going to go play with them now. I'll be back for some more of the picture challenge later. (:

Sledding.

We took Carter sledding tonight. It was for surely cold, but It was fun. He seemed to like it, he didn't cry. At the top of the hill was a cute little boy who wanted to watch Carter sled, his name was Mason. He smiled at us when I took Carter down the hill. It was cute. I'm uploading the sledding videos to facebook now, & I'll upload some videos here later, but for now... here is a video of me feeding my inner child.

Catching up.

That's it for now. I think I did good for being sick & missing quite a few days for the picture challenge. Now I am just waiting for Carter to wake up, than I have to go out & buy some stuff for David's Valentine's day present, & mail off Carter's baby friends Valentine's day cards... & run a few errands. Oh & I have to wait for Susan to get here.

Challenge. (x19)

Day 19 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

I cannot, will not & don't want to imagine my life without him. He is perfect. He is my everything.

 

Challenge. (x18)

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

No, not Carter, obviously. My appearance. Being pale, fat & ugly (like not wearing make-up).

Challenge. (x17)

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

 Being sick has absolutely sucked. I am so glad to finally be feeling better.

Challenge. (x16)

Day 16 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

Paris. &LOVE;

 

Yes, Health!

I am finally healthy, that I know of. I'm waiting for test results on my thyroid. I had a physical yesterday. I am also waiting on *TMI WARNING* test results on "pus in the urine". Obviously I have some sort of infection. I'm assuming a UTI. We will see. I'll be finishing my 30 day picture challenge soon now that I am finally healthy & have the energy to post. (:

Look, I'm healthy! V

Sick, again?

Yes... as if the upper respiratory wasn't enough, the day I should have been feeling better from it I get hit with the flu. I'll be updating my picture challenge & blog entries soon enough though. Stay tuned.

Doodle.

Reasons why I love Doodle.

 Well, it sure isn't because of the molestation he does. LOL!

 Because we can be silly together...

 Because we have similar features & make sure babies.

Because he loves me & would do anything for me.
Because I can be myself around him.
Because even tho we fight, at the end of the night there's still that "I love you, goodnight" & a kiss. Short, simple & sweet. Just like our relationship. It can only grow & get better.

This is his shortened list of why he loves me-

"You are the only one I can tell anything to and not feel stupid
Everytime I look at Carter I see you and it reminds me of how much I love you
I also can be myself around you. And you get mad when I get too "comfortable" (farting)
You are a great person. Always willing to help others when you can.
And most of all because you are mine."

Challenge. (x15)

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

 That's just a random ring, but I want to get married before I die.

Sick, much?

Ugh! I have been entirely too sick. Back on 1/12 I had a high fever. That went away & I eventually felt better. Now I have been sick since Thursday night. Terrible throat ache, feels like nails went down my throat as of today. A super stuffy nose, so stuffy I can't breathe thru my nose at all during the night. My ears are pulsing in pain, my super stuffy nose is draining down my already hurting throat into my lungs so I have a horrid cough which is making my whole freaking body sore from coughing so much. I am 100% sick of being sick. I just want to feel better already.

Challenge. (x14)

Day 14 - A picture of you when you were little.

 

Challenge. (x13)

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite book.

 I am in love with Nicholas Sparks. He writes incredible books. I've never read a book by him that I didn't like.

Challenge. (x12)

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

 Well, besides the obvious ^ .

I LOVE DISNEY WORLD!

Challenge. (x11)

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

 Get it? Yeah, I hate them, big time!

Challenge. (x10)

Day 10 - A picture that makes you laugh.

 My brother & his friend Mitchell. (Mitchell L Brandon R.) They let me give them a make over with my friends one night. Funniest thing ever. Also makes for great black mail.

Challenge. (x9)

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

  My Mom, My Dad & My son. They without a doubt give me the strength to survive: mentally, physically, financially... they are my support system & they can get me through anything.

Challenge. (x8)

Day 08 - A picture of the person you've done the most random things with.

Susan & Melanie. I think the picture explains its self that we've been pretty wild at times.

 

Challenge. (x7)

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

  Since it says item, for those of you sick of reading about Carter, you finally get a break. My most treasured item is my old dog, Jasmine's, collar. Mostly because 1. It still smells like her, & 2. She was honest to God my best friend. We had her from the time I was 6 til the time I was 18. I don't want to get all into details, because I'm not in the mood to cry, but I love her & I miss her so much everyday. The pain you get losing a pet, it is indescribable. Jasmine was a part of the family, my guardian angel, my hero, my best friend & my pet. RIP Jazzy Baby. 4.29.96 - 5.29.08

 This was before my prom, senior year. We were kissing eachother. (; <3

8.

Today we went to my cousin Jarod's 13th Birthday party. They had a coffee table in the middle of the room, that was perfect height for Carter to pull himself up on to stand. It was his first time standing in a complete 180 angle. He's pulled himself up before, but only to a 120 (ish) degree angle. Needless to say, I'm proud of him. & I'm also going to be screwed very soon.

Challenge. (x6)

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

 It was a toss up between Britney Spears, & Haylee cakes. I choose Haylee, for the simple reason of, who wouldn't want to be a dog? Haylee has such nice humans to love her & take care of her. She can do whatever she wants when she wants. Sometimes she's even spoiled with a special treat of human food, or her new favorite, baby food!

Challenge. (x5)

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

 If you're following my blog & actually reading along, I have the feeling you may get sick of seeing me post about my little boy. This, HANDS DOWN, is my favorite memory. This would be the day that I met the little boy, who made my belly his home for 38 weeks, exactly. This will be the day I spent in excruciating pain, completely out of it... all for him. June 1st 2010 will forever hold a good chunk of my heart.

7.

I haven't posted a "just because" entry in a while. A lot has been going on. To start, my depression has hit an all time high... well low you could say also. I have spent the last week crying. It's been a constant thing. No matter how badly I try, I can never stop. It's been horrible. I thought it was nicotine withdrawals, so I bought a pack of cigarettes to see if smoking 1 would help... nope. Then, on Wednesday I break down into this illness, & spend the whole day with a high fever of 103.5 f. Needless to say, between being sick, depressed & starting school back up, I've been pretty busy & miserable. If that stuff isn't bad enough, there is some huge family drama stirring up. As if my family wasn't broken enough already. *SIGH* At least I am not involved this time. Usually, no not usually, EVERYTIME something happens in my family someone finds a way to bring it back on me & make me feel like crud. Oh well, whatever.

On a brighter note, 1 year ago today I found out Carter was, well, Carter! I'll never forget it. I had all my cupcake stuff ready to go. David picked me up, & off to my appointment we went. We got right in to the ultra sound room. She was doing all her measurements & accidentally scrolled over his goodies, so I knew he was a boy before she even told us. At the end of the measurements, she said "You want to know what you're having right?" I said yeah... & she scrolled back over the goodies & said "It's a boy!" Then the "It's a boy!" text popped up over the picture. All was said was "I knew it" by moi. I was so disappointed. Nobody knew how badly I wanted a girl. I was also convinced I was having a girl. It would have meant so much to me to have a daughter, so I could name her after my cousin Michelle. Not to mention the fact I was still so angry with God for putting this speed bump in my life. I figured the least he could do for me was give me a girl if he was going to have me pregnant at 19. Anyways, here I am, 1 year later... & I could never, ever, in my wildest dreams, imagine being happier than I am right now. Carter is my whole wide world. No wonder God gave me a little boy, he is perfect!

6.

I got this in an E-mail from my friend Amanda. I think it's a really good little list of advice. I really, really like #6 & #11!

1.  Try everything twice.

On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:

"Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"

2.  Keep only cheerful friends.

The grouches pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:  

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever...  

Never let the brain get idle.  'An

idle mind is the devil's workshop.'  

And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.  

And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,  

spend lots and lots of time with HIM or HER.

6.. The tears happen:  

Endure, grieve, and move on.  

The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.  

LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..  

Your home is your refuge.  

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it.  

If it is unstable, improve it.  

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips..  

Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county,  

to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.  

I love you, my special friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry.

You might not get a second chance..

Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Challenge. (x4)

Day 04 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

 This little boy inspires me more than anyone ever has. Without him, I'd still be skipping out of class early, or not giving too much time to studying. Now, with him, I give everything my all. I realize how important college is because I need to get my degree in order to be able to support him for as long as I can until he supports himself. He is just the absolute light in my life. Up until the second he was born, I imagined loving him, but I never imagined loving him more & more every day. I didn't think it was possible to even love somebody this much. He makes me want to be a better person all around, not just a fantastic Mom. I cannot even fathom being more inspired by a human being. He is just ...there is no word. &hearts; When I think of him, I can do anything I want. He is worth it.

Challenge. (x3)

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

Umm, duh!? (:

 

Challenge. (x2)

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.

 "The" person? I'm not really sure who to do. I guess I'll do my *Newest* friend that I consider myself close to & then write a little about everyone I truly am close to. Unfortunately I don't have a picture of myself with her (yet).

This would be Naomi. I've known who she was since October 09 when I joined iVillage. I never started talking to her, like a lot, until July/August '10. Needless to say, I consider myself very close to her. She is one of my best friends, hands down. I can tell her anything & everything. She always listens. Not only does she always listen, but she remembers. There is some people that you can talk to & tell them things, but a week later they will have no recollection of what you said to them, as important as you may believe it is. Not Naomi. She remembers everything I tell her. She asks me about stuff. I might not talk to her 24/7, & I may have never hung out with her, but I seriously LOVE her. She is such a Godsend of a friend. She's completely mature, responsible, gorgeous, understanding, funny, ect.  My relationship with her doesn't even feel like it's a "virtual, long distance" one. I seriously feel like I've known her forever & she's right here in Michigan close to me.

(I'll type more later if you read this & see this... I have to clean & get ready for class, so *to be continued*.)

& Time to continue...

That is Alicia, Mason, Carter & I. I've been friends with Alicia (on & off) since 5th grade. We used to be the craziest little girls. She is the one who totally corrupted my mind, without her I would have probably played with barbies til high school! Haha. Now we are both raising our cute little boys together. I don't think either one of us growing up ever pictured ourselves walking around the block with our strollers in tote, yet alone with even our dogs! (We both have girl dogs, & boy babies... haha)

This is Susan & I. We have been best friends since Freshman year. Without sounding like a homo, it was kind of a "love at first sight" friendship. She is always here when I need her. She is one of two Godmothers of my son. She's basically just like me. If you met me in an (half)arabic form, it would be her. Love her!

This would be Megan. I'm not even going to lie, when I first knew her, I was not one of her biggest fans. She scared the hell out of me. I didn't know her personality was just strong & she was just blunt. We started talking our last semester of high school. Though we didn't talk constantly throughout college, when I needed a friend, she was here. She is absolutely amazing with my son. I know if I ever needed someone to back me up, she'd do it in a heartbeat. (So would the other girls, but Megan would be the most defensive.) Her Mom was even my recovery nurse in the hospital after I had Carter. Now she is expecting her little girl, Makynzi, in a little over 2 months. Yay for another friend for Carter!

I'm not going to write about the family I'm close with, just friends. So Marissa & Emily, if you find this... don't be offended.

A Letter to Michelle:

Michelle: My biggest, sweetest, most beautiful cousin.

If I could even put into words how much I miss you, I'd do it here. I think about you every day. I talk to you constantly. I dream about you frequently. In my dreams, I'm the only one who can hear you or see you. I wake up crying from my sleep, knowing you're truly gone. I don't know why God had to take you from me, from us, especially Matthew. My God does that break my heart. I never realized how much a parent could love a child until I had Carter & I cannot imagine not being here on Earth with him. To give him a hug, or a kiss, or a cuddle whenever I want to. To to be up in Heaven just watching down on Carter would be the worst thing in the world. Matthew misses you so much, Michelle. He would have been the best big brother in the world to Alivia if she would have been here. I know you see the way he looks at Carter, & holds Carter, & cares for Carter. I know you had something to do with me getting pregnant too, & because of that you've completely turned my world around. For the better. All I could think about at Nicholas' Birthday party was that 2 years prior to that was the last time I got a hug from you. I regret so much now, not hugging you back. Had I known God was going to take you from me, I would have. I wish so much I wasn't being a stubborn bitch & would have just called you back to make ammends with you. It's getting close to the last time that I even saw you, & I regret not giving you a hug goodbye then, or telling you I loved you. I don't understand why God had to put you through everything he did. You didn't deserve ANY of it. If I could have traded places with you, I would have. You were one of the nicest people to ever walk the planet. I know God wanted all the pretty flowers for his garden, but couldn't he have taken a weed or something? Taking you is like picking a damn bouquet. I really wish I could have given you a hug goodbye in the hospital too, when I knew we were taking you off life support. I was just to scared, & in such denial that you weren't going to be here anymore. The one thing I will NEVER forget is that you knew I was there. It was just me & you in your room together, the nurse stepped out & my Mom went to smoke. I was talking to you, holding your hand. I asked you to squeeze my hand if you could hear me, & you did! Every time I think of that, I think that maybe if the nurse or doctor were there to witness it, you might still be here. That there would have been a tiny bit of hope that you could have pulled through. You were so strong, Michelle. I miss that beautiful smile of yours, & seeing that tall, skinny, beautiful woman with the short spiky hair walk in to a room. I miss your smell. I miss that you always called me "Honey". I miss when you'd leave birthday parties with Matthew, you'd ALWAYS make him give everyone a hug goodbye. He still does that too, by the way. I hope to instill that trait in Carter. If there is 1 thing I am grateful for, it's the fact that I look like you. Whenever somebody tells me that I look like you, it is one of the greatest compliments I could wish for. I truly hope the speech I gave at your funeral meant something to you, if at the very least it simply meant "I love you".

Michelle, I miss you so much it makes me sick. It hurts. It's breath-taking. Please look down on me, now & forever. I love you. Sooooo much. Give Alivia hugs & kisses from Carter & I.

Challenge.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself and fifteen facts.

This is half of me.

 This is all of me.

1. My full name is Amy Elizabeth Lesinski. 2. The light of my life was born June 1st 2010. 3. I was born on February 26th 1990. 4. Assuming you read fast #3, you'd know my 21st birthday was coming up very soon. 5. I've been with David since June 30th 2009. 6. My favorite color is pink. 7. I am a girlie girl/high maintenance. 8. I drive a 2005, red cobalt coupe. I'm getting a new car in the summer. 9. I'm going to attend Eastern Michigan University in the fall of 2011 & I am majoring in Special Education. 10. I cannot resist singing along to any songs I hear by Britney Spears or Taylor Swift. 11. I think Ryan Gosling & Matthew Mcconaghey are the sexiest men alive. 12. I love tanning. 13. I am dying for a vacation. 14. Next to my bed, Disney World is my favorite place on Earth. 15. David is bitching to me right now about how he's "not invited to read my blog." How obnoxious.

5.

Here I am, January 7th 2011... marking yet another milestone in Carter's life. Today, he stood up for the first time on his own. I was leaning against a chair, sitting on the floor on my phone, while he was sitting next to me. Apparently he realllllly wanted my phone because I glanced up at him & realized he was completely standing up. He finally figured out how to keep his legs sturdy, & he stood! Absolutely a bittersweet moment. I know soon he will be crawling & I will never get to sit down. I am so proud of him though. He knew he did something good because when I was applauding him, he couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

God, how much I love his big, gummy smiles. I think he's actively teething now. His cheeks have been rosy, he's been drooling more than normal & very clingy lately. Not to mention fussy at random times for no apparent reason. I'm going to miss his big, toothless smile!

I dyed my hair last night, it's pretty much black. I'm really happy with it, I love my hair dark. I'll post pictures soon enough.

Holy crap, I just realized I turn 21 in 1 month & 19 days. Anyone have any good drink recommendations? (; I've drank before but nothing "real" like you can order at a bar, so I'm rather exciting to order & drink my first legal alcoholic beverage. 

I start school back up on Monday. Yesterday my textbooks arrived, oh yay. All 13lbs & 10oz of freaking textbooks. Shoot me now?

We're getting hit pretty hard with snow right now. Roads suck to drive in. I'm very glad I'm at home, in my bed, next to my sleeping handsome. Maybe David & I will go to the movies tonight? All we need is a babysitter. I'm craving some good ass movie theater popcorn. Yummmm! I can smell it now.

4.

Nothing exciting going on today. Babysat, going to dinner in a little, then possibly going back up to the summit to work out with Doodle. I just thought I'd share some cute pictures of Carter & I playing around on the webcam. (:

3.

Well, as far as my quitting smoking has gone, I made it to the 73 hour mark. David handed me one of his ciggs to smoke, since I was craving one. I took 2 puffs & threw it out. Not only because it was gross (seriously I'm missing my Newport's!) but because I was subconsciously thinking about Carter. I know when I smoke I'm only hurting myself & Carter. Sure, it eliminates stress for me momentarily, but it doesn't hurt the people that hurt me.

So, the New Year has been nice to me so far. I have to shower soon & head up to Scraft to drop a class & meet with a counselor, Carterbug is coming with me. My Dad bought a family membership to the summit (like a YMCA, or a large community center) so I'm debating on going to work out. I don't know if they have a baby room with people to watch Carter for me while I work out, I suppose I'll call.

God,  I want a vacation soooooo bad. I am craving the hot Florida sun, a nice stroll through Disney World, some tan lines, a good sunburn... Oh that sounds so nice. Hopefully David gets his tax stuff soon so he can file for them, get the money & book us a vacation!

2.

Well, 2010 is officially sooooo last year. Get it? Haha.

Turns out, David woke Carter up (prick!) & he was awake to see the ball drop. This year, Carter got my New Years kiss. How special. David & I kissed at 12:01, but Carter got my kisses at midnight on the dot. So far this year (tehe) I've done nothing but be lazy. Carter didn't even fall back to sleep til about 2 am. I am one tired Mom, that's for sure.

I suppose I'll share my New Years Resolutions now-

1. Quit Smoking. I smoked my last smoke around 7:30pm on December 31st 2010. So far, so good.

2. Get good grades. I'm going to try my damn hardest to accomplish a 3.0 or better. Wish me luck!

3. Don't let anybody treat me like shit. I put up with waaaaaaay too much of that in 2010, & many previous years. I am done. done. done!

4. Raise a happy, healthy little boy.

5. Try to lose weight & eat healthier. This would include cutting back on my mountain dew intake, bring on the withdrawals.

Carter is just waking up from a short nap he just took. We're watching Nick jr, waiting for David to show up to spend time with us. I am hungry, I wonder what we will eat for dinner. Hmmmm...